Modeling

One sad thing as a parent is hearing your kids fighting and realizing their tone of voice sounds just like you. A bit unsettling. Many times I would say, "Hey, can't you say that a bit nicer?" And then turn around and talk just like I told them not to. The hardest thing for most people is changing their tones or the way they say things. One of the benefits of applying the L and L techniques is that your kids really start sounding like you. Just in the last few weeks, I have heard Tyson using every technique that we have used on him. First example, he usually gives his friend a ride home on his bike. Last week the friend thought that Tyson was leaving him and went up and started choking him. Tyson got away and said, "I give kids a ride home that don't choke me" He left his friend to walk home all by himself. He's starting to use these "I" statements all the time with everyone, even us. When Hailee is crying for something he has he'll say, "Hailee, I give kids my things when they aren't crying" And she stops! :) A whole lot more affective than "HAILEE, STOP CRYING!!!" While at church, Hailee had a snack and Tyson wanted some. She was not willing to share, so he said, "Hailee, would you like to put one in my right hand or my left?" She chose the right hand. The next week at church, Tyson asked me to rub his feet. I said "Not here" and he said, "Mom, would you rather rub my feet with my socks on, or with my socks off?" Funny! And I ended up choosing "on". Last night he was in trouble and didn't get to have ice cream with the rest of the family and said we were the meanest parents ever. Later that night, we were talking about something and I said, "Tyson, you're going to be a good dad." He said, " I know I am, because I'm going to be just like dad." (sigh)

Scared to Death

Tyson LOVES to scare us. It seems like every time we walk in the door, he jumps out of somewhere and scares us. He knows not to scare me, because it hurts my heart, and of course I get kinda mad. I don't like to be scared okay??? Anyway, every once in a while Steve will scare him. Usually he's okay and laughs it off, but tonight he got him good. They were taking out the trash cans and Steve ducked behind the bushes. Tyson noticed he was gone and started coming back to get him when Steve jumped out of the bushes like a gorilla and scared him so bad he said he about passed out. He even shed some tears and he decided he was going to get Steve back. So I gave him a plan I thought would work. Steve tucked the kids in and went to the office to work on the computer, so I went and got Tyson, put some nylons on his head and snuck him out the back door. I went to the office to see this pan out. I saw Tyson come around to the window and he started banging on the window so hard Steve jumped out of his seat yelling. When he realized it was Tyson, he about collapsed. He didn't know what was going on. He said he heard the bang and turned and saw this little person with a black head. The sound didn't match what he pictured and he thought "WEIRD!!!" He about had a heart attack. Tyson felt a lot better after that. We all laughed so hard. I had no idea it would work so well, and now I'm sooooo mad I didn't video that!

Follow Up

Picked up #1 and neighbor friend yesterday from school. As I dropped off neighbor friend, I mentioned that #1 won't be able to play.
#1: "Why not?"
Mom: "Why do you think?"
#1: "I don't know"
Mom: "You may play with friends when I don't worry about you calling me stupid"
#1: "You don't have to worry about that! I won't do it again!"
Mom: "But I still do, so until then, no friends. :) So do you want to do your homework first, or eat a snack?"
#1: "Eat a snack"
(like how I got his mind off the fight?) This is fun, it's like magic. I might even pull this out one more day. If I feel like really being mean, I could call #1 friends mom and explain the situation and ask her to call after school to see if #1 can play just so I can say it again. :) Parenting is so much fun.

Okay, that really worked...#1 friends mom called and I was so sad to tell them that #1 could not play today.
#1: "MOM, I WAS KIDDDDDING!!!"
Mom: "Nice try hunny, hey there's always tomorrow. We'll have to see :)"

The end.

L and L

Steve and I have been studying Love and Logic parenting for a few years. Well, we have finally bit the bullet and are getting trained to be Love and Logic facilitators. (Steve mainly)--I have enough to do :)
Since we have been studying and applying these methods, it has brought such peace to our home. 3 years ago I was screaming at my kids a lot, and having anxiety attacks, and seriously depressed because I felt like I was a horrible mother and nothing was going my way. Oh, and I had stupid tumors in my arm that kept coming back. So life was a little stressful. I was even taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds to help, but all it did was make me more tired, and unfeeling. Then someone told me about Love and Logic. I started checking the books out from the library. Steve was going to school for child development at the time and we just started eating it up. It has taken a while to change how we speak to our kids, but now most of the time, we find ourselves laughing because when we say things right, it works so easily and effortlessly. So, every once in a while, I would like to share stories of everyday situations and how I am applying this. I don't handle it perfectly all the time, but I am getting better- and I feel more calm, patient and like I am a fun mom again. (actually, I don't know if I ever was until now)
Here's a good one from today:
I'm skipping through the stuff that led up to...
Child #1 punches child#2 because #2 won't share the last of the waffles.
Mom: "Oh, this is so sad. I can't help you now"
#1: "Now I have nothing to eat!"
Mom: "Well, there are a few cereal choices, or bagels, or toast. Which one would you like?"
#1: "Nothing, I want waffles"
Mom: "So sorry :("
#1: "You're so stupid mom! Why don't you use your brain?"
(Now, at this point, how many of us would SO like to start yelling, grounding, slapping, throwing them in their room???- The old me would have done all that!)
Mom: "Wow, that was kinda sad!"
#1: "I'm not going to SCHOOL either!!!"
(Can you tell #1 was just looking for a fight?)
Mom: "Well, that's not really a choice, but you do have a choice about how you would like to go to school. You can go in your pajamas, or you can go in school clothes. You can also go to school hungry, or you can go full. Lots of choices!" (I walked out of the room so he could think.)
#1 goes to kitchen and gets some cereal. I leave him alone. I'm doing #2's hair and I hear #1 practicing piano. (bonus! I thought that would go out the door)
Mom: "Time to go to school!"
#2 gets to ride bike to school with friends, #1 gets to ride with mom :)
#1: "Why do I have to go in the car?"
Mom: "Well, kids who call their mom 'stupid' get to ride in the car with her. :)"
#1 hugs mom as she drops off to school and leaves with a smile.
Relationship still in tact??? I think so!
#1 might get upset again when he/she gets home and asks to play with friends today and I say, "Oh sweety, I'll let you play with friends when I don't have to worry about being called 'stupid'." (...Let ya know how that one pans out.)

Halloween Festivities

This year Sadie and Tyson were able to carve their own pumpkins. They did a pretty good job. So sad I never got a picture of the finished product!

"Look mom, I'm getting dirty and I'm okay!"
Halloween Party at Grandma/Grandpa Whitings

Harry Potter doing some spells
Princess Hailee- "Belle"

Tyson's school parade

Sadie and her classmates watching the parade
Halloween night

Where did we get our costumes? Oh, I wish I could say that I spent hours making them, but lucky for me I have a friend who sells/rents costumes. She has saved me so many times! I love not having to store costumes my kids are only going to wear once! Check out her website next time you need a costume! enchantedwardrobecostumes.com

Tyson's stash