This story comes from our beloved ten year old in a teenage body. Sometimes I just have to say, poor girl. She grows so fast and is having to deal with a lot going on, so I can totally understand her teenage tantrums, but anyway here goes... Every night we all have a kitchen chore to do after dinner. Last night she decided that she would not be doing her chore because she had a headache. We said, "No problem, it'll be here tomorrow when you feel better". (Maybe at this point she thought she got away with it) Morning comes and she needs her hair straightened. -She was blessed with my frizzy fro, but imagine double the thickness. It takes me about 40 minutes to straighten her hair. WELL, she comes in to wake me up and asks if I will straighten her hair, and
Steve chimes in..."Mom likes to help do hair for people who help with chores"
Can you imagine what comes next??? "WHAT?"
Steve repeats in the smoothest tone, "Sweetie, mom likes to do hair for..."
Hormones kick in and screaming fit, stomping and slamming door etc.
10 secs later, a calmer Sadie says, "Mom, could you please do my hair? I can't go to school like this."
Me: "That would be kinda funny, I wouldn't mind putting your hair in a bun."
Sadie: "AAAAGH! I DON'T WANT A BUN! This is soooo STUPID!" (runs off to room again, and is back in a few seconds)
Me: "Sadie, you have about an hour if you want to straighten your hair by yourself" (I've been trying to help her learn how for a very long time!) "Honey, it's really okay if you can't, I can put your hair in a bun."
She started straightening her hair. But not without a few more short tantrums to her room, I was fighting so hard not to just go in and help her. But in the end, she ended up doing her own hair just in time for her friend to come and get her for school.
Me: "Wow Sadie, you did that all by yourself! I bet you feel proud"
Happy Sadie: "Yeah, I can't believe I got it done! Bye mom!"
WHEW---1 tantrum down, 500 to go. :)
Relationship still in tact, and most importantly, I didn't loose my temper.
Oh, what about the chore you say? Well after dinner tonight, can you guess who was the first one to jump to their chore? Sadie :) After she was done with that one, last nights chore was still awaiting her, which she did as well. Deep breath! Until the next challenge...
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Feeling Joy!
I am so excited for a few things going on recently, 1) I have been trying for a very long time to find a contact at a news station to interview my boss Shelle Soelberg (Let's Play Music). She has built this awesome music program and it would be fun to see her talk about it on the news. I've emailed and emailed, even made a few calls, but nothing. A couple weeks ago, I took Tyson to a baseball clinic and channel 12 happened to be there. It took me the whole hour and a half to get up the courage to go talk to the man with the camera. I asked him what it was that he did and he told me about the show "Valley Dish" that airs daily at 4:30. I told him what I was interested in and he said he was the guy to talk to, so I got his email and long story short, he's coming to Shelle's class next week-which Hailee is in, and is going to video the class and interview Shelle! I am so excited! Don't know when it will air, but I'm sure I can figure out how to post the link when it comes out.
2) Last week one of the councilors of the Relief Society asked me if I had any original songs that would fit their "Visiting Teaching" lesson. I had found one that is called "Sisters", and gave it to her and was planning on doing that one. As I thought more about it, I started getting ideas for a song. I haven't written a song in 3-4 years and I've been praying all this time for an idea that could make a difference to someone. I thought my days of singing and writing were over. So I started with just a paragraph and left it. Then the next day another paragraph came. From then on, it was like a really good book you just have to finish so you can get on with your life. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I prayed and studied anything I could find on sisters, or women being angels. I thought about a neighbor of mine that is always helping people even though she has 6 kids of her own. A few times as I was writing, I just had this feeling overwhelm me and I would sob. Last weekend we had some of Steve's family over and I asked them if I could sing it for them. The next morning our Aunt Lisa Neilson passed away and as they were planning the funeral over the next few days they asked me if I would sing the song at her funeral. This pushed me to finish it, so a few days ago, I put it into sheet music and gave it to the pianist and sang it today for the first time. It was such an honor to share this song with everyone. Afterwards I was overwhelmed by the kind comments and tears that were expressed about how the song perfectly described Lisa and how it had touched them. Now I know why I had to write it. Each word describes her. I did not know her well, but God does and helped me write this song for her. Want to hear it? Keep bugging me and maybe I'll record it sooner. :)
2) Last week one of the councilors of the Relief Society asked me if I had any original songs that would fit their "Visiting Teaching" lesson. I had found one that is called "Sisters", and gave it to her and was planning on doing that one. As I thought more about it, I started getting ideas for a song. I haven't written a song in 3-4 years and I've been praying all this time for an idea that could make a difference to someone. I thought my days of singing and writing were over. So I started with just a paragraph and left it. Then the next day another paragraph came. From then on, it was like a really good book you just have to finish so you can get on with your life. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I prayed and studied anything I could find on sisters, or women being angels. I thought about a neighbor of mine that is always helping people even though she has 6 kids of her own. A few times as I was writing, I just had this feeling overwhelm me and I would sob. Last weekend we had some of Steve's family over and I asked them if I could sing it for them. The next morning our Aunt Lisa Neilson passed away and as they were planning the funeral over the next few days they asked me if I would sing the song at her funeral. This pushed me to finish it, so a few days ago, I put it into sheet music and gave it to the pianist and sang it today for the first time. It was such an honor to share this song with everyone. Afterwards I was overwhelmed by the kind comments and tears that were expressed about how the song perfectly described Lisa and how it had touched them. Now I know why I had to write it. Each word describes her. I did not know her well, but God does and helped me write this song for her. Want to hear it? Keep bugging me and maybe I'll record it sooner. :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Modeling
One sad thing as a parent is hearing your kids fighting and realizing their tone of voice sounds just like you. A bit unsettling. Many times I would say, "Hey, can't you say that a bit nicer?" And then turn around and talk just like I told them not to. The hardest thing for most people is changing their tones or the way they say things. One of the benefits of applying the L and L techniques is that your kids really start sounding like you. Just in the last few weeks, I have heard Tyson using every technique that we have used on him. First example, he usually gives his friend a ride home on his bike. Last week the friend thought that Tyson was leaving him and went up and started choking him. Tyson got away and said, "I give kids a ride home that don't choke me" He left his friend to walk home all by himself. He's starting to use these "I" statements all the time with everyone, even us. When Hailee is crying for something he has he'll say, "Hailee, I give kids my things when they aren't crying" And she stops! :) A whole lot more affective than "HAILEE, STOP CRYING!!!" While at church, Hailee had a snack and Tyson wanted some. She was not willing to share, so he said, "Hailee, would you like to put one in my right hand or my left?" She chose the right hand. The next week at church, Tyson asked me to rub his feet. I said "Not here" and he said, "Mom, would you rather rub my feet with my socks on, or with my socks off?" Funny! And I ended up choosing "on". Last night he was in trouble and didn't get to have ice cream with the rest of the family and said we were the meanest parents ever. Later that night, we were talking about something and I said, "Tyson, you're going to be a good dad." He said, " I know I am, because I'm going to be just like dad." (sigh)
Monday, November 16, 2009
Scared to Death
Tyson LOVES to scare us. It seems like every time we walk in the door, he jumps out of somewhere and scares us. He knows not to scare me, because it hurts my heart, and of course I get kinda mad. I don't like to be scared okay??? Anyway, every once in a while Steve will scare him. Usually he's okay and laughs it off, but tonight he got him good. They were taking out the trash cans and Steve ducked behind the bushes. Tyson noticed he was gone and started coming back to get him when Steve jumped out of the bushes like a gorilla and scared him so bad he said he about passed out. He even shed some tears and he decided he was going to get Steve back. So I gave him a plan I thought would work. Steve tucked the kids in and went to the office to work on the computer, so I went and got Tyson, put some nylons on his head and snuck him out the back door. I went to the office to see this pan out. I saw Tyson come around to the window and he started banging on the window so hard Steve jumped out of his seat yelling. When he realized it was Tyson, he about collapsed. He didn't know what was going on. He said he heard the bang and turned and saw this little person with a black head. The sound didn't match what he pictured and he thought "WEIRD!!!" He about had a heart attack. Tyson felt a lot better after that. We all laughed so hard. I had no idea it would work so well, and now I'm sooooo mad I didn't video that!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Follow Up
Picked up #1 and neighbor friend yesterday from school. As I dropped off neighbor friend, I mentioned that #1 won't be able to play.
#1: "Why not?"
Mom: "Why do you think?"
#1: "I don't know"
Mom: "You may play with friends when I don't worry about you calling me stupid"
#1: "You don't have to worry about that! I won't do it again!"
Mom: "But I still do, so until then, no friends. :) So do you want to do your homework first, or eat a snack?"
#1: "Eat a snack"
(like how I got his mind off the fight?) This is fun, it's like magic. I might even pull this out one more day. If I feel like really being mean, I could call #1 friends mom and explain the situation and ask her to call after school to see if #1 can play just so I can say it again. :) Parenting is so much fun.
Okay, that really worked...#1 friends mom called and I was so sad to tell them that #1 could not play today.
#1: "MOM, I WAS KIDDDDDING!!!"
Mom: "Nice try hunny, hey there's always tomorrow. We'll have to see :)"
The end.
#1: "Why not?"
Mom: "Why do you think?"
#1: "I don't know"
Mom: "You may play with friends when I don't worry about you calling me stupid"
#1: "You don't have to worry about that! I won't do it again!"
Mom: "But I still do, so until then, no friends. :) So do you want to do your homework first, or eat a snack?"
#1: "Eat a snack"
(like how I got his mind off the fight?) This is fun, it's like magic. I might even pull this out one more day. If I feel like really being mean, I could call #1 friends mom and explain the situation and ask her to call after school to see if #1 can play just so I can say it again. :) Parenting is so much fun.
Okay, that really worked...#1 friends mom called and I was so sad to tell them that #1 could not play today.
#1: "MOM, I WAS KIDDDDDING!!!"
Mom: "Nice try hunny, hey there's always tomorrow. We'll have to see :)"
The end.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
L and L
Steve and I have been studying Love and Logic parenting for a few years. Well, we have finally bit the bullet and are getting trained to be Love and Logic facilitators. (Steve mainly)--I have enough to do :)
Since we have been studying and applying these methods, it has brought such peace to our home. 3 years ago I was screaming at my kids a lot, and having anxiety attacks, and seriously depressed because I felt like I was a horrible mother and nothing was going my way. Oh, and I had stupid tumors in my arm that kept coming back. So life was a little stressful. I was even taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds to help, but all it did was make me more tired, and unfeeling. Then someone told me about Love and Logic. I started checking the books out from the library. Steve was going to school for child development at the time and we just started eating it up. It has taken a while to change how we speak to our kids, but now most of the time, we find ourselves laughing because when we say things right, it works so easily and effortlessly. So, every once in a while, I would like to share stories of everyday situations and how I am applying this. I don't handle it perfectly all the time, but I am getting better- and I feel more calm, patient and like I am a fun mom again. (actually, I don't know if I ever was until now)
Here's a good one from today:
I'm skipping through the stuff that led up to...
Child #1 punches child#2 because #2 won't share the last of the waffles.
Mom: "Oh, this is so sad. I can't help you now"
#1: "Now I have nothing to eat!"
Mom: "Well, there are a few cereal choices, or bagels, or toast. Which one would you like?"
#1: "Nothing, I want waffles"
Mom: "So sorry :("
#1: "You're so stupid mom! Why don't you use your brain?"
(Now, at this point, how many of us would SO like to start yelling, grounding, slapping, throwing them in their room???- The old me would have done all that!)
Mom: "Wow, that was kinda sad!"
#1: "I'm not going to SCHOOL either!!!"
(Can you tell #1 was just looking for a fight?)
Mom: "Well, that's not really a choice, but you do have a choice about how you would like to go to school. You can go in your pajamas, or you can go in school clothes. You can also go to school hungry, or you can go full. Lots of choices!" (I walked out of the room so he could think.)
#1 goes to kitchen and gets some cereal. I leave him alone. I'm doing #2's hair and I hear #1 practicing piano. (bonus! I thought that would go out the door)
Mom: "Time to go to school!"
#2 gets to ride bike to school with friends, #1 gets to ride with mom :)
#1: "Why do I have to go in the car?"
Mom: "Well, kids who call their mom 'stupid' get to ride in the car with her. :)"
#1 hugs mom as she drops off to school and leaves with a smile.
Relationship still in tact??? I think so!
#1 might get upset again when he/she gets home and asks to play with friends today and I say, "Oh sweety, I'll let you play with friends when I don't have to worry about being called 'stupid'." (...Let ya know how that one pans out.)
Since we have been studying and applying these methods, it has brought such peace to our home. 3 years ago I was screaming at my kids a lot, and having anxiety attacks, and seriously depressed because I felt like I was a horrible mother and nothing was going my way. Oh, and I had stupid tumors in my arm that kept coming back. So life was a little stressful. I was even taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds to help, but all it did was make me more tired, and unfeeling. Then someone told me about Love and Logic. I started checking the books out from the library. Steve was going to school for child development at the time and we just started eating it up. It has taken a while to change how we speak to our kids, but now most of the time, we find ourselves laughing because when we say things right, it works so easily and effortlessly. So, every once in a while, I would like to share stories of everyday situations and how I am applying this. I don't handle it perfectly all the time, but I am getting better- and I feel more calm, patient and like I am a fun mom again. (actually, I don't know if I ever was until now)
Here's a good one from today:
I'm skipping through the stuff that led up to...
Child #1 punches child#2 because #2 won't share the last of the waffles.
Mom: "Oh, this is so sad. I can't help you now"
#1: "Now I have nothing to eat!"
Mom: "Well, there are a few cereal choices, or bagels, or toast. Which one would you like?"
#1: "Nothing, I want waffles"
Mom: "So sorry :("
#1: "You're so stupid mom! Why don't you use your brain?"
(Now, at this point, how many of us would SO like to start yelling, grounding, slapping, throwing them in their room???- The old me would have done all that!)
Mom: "Wow, that was kinda sad!"
#1: "I'm not going to SCHOOL either!!!"
(Can you tell #1 was just looking for a fight?)
Mom: "Well, that's not really a choice, but you do have a choice about how you would like to go to school. You can go in your pajamas, or you can go in school clothes. You can also go to school hungry, or you can go full. Lots of choices!" (I walked out of the room so he could think.)
#1 goes to kitchen and gets some cereal. I leave him alone. I'm doing #2's hair and I hear #1 practicing piano. (bonus! I thought that would go out the door)
Mom: "Time to go to school!"
#2 gets to ride bike to school with friends, #1 gets to ride with mom :)
#1: "Why do I have to go in the car?"
Mom: "Well, kids who call their mom 'stupid' get to ride in the car with her. :)"
#1 hugs mom as she drops off to school and leaves with a smile.
Relationship still in tact??? I think so!
#1 might get upset again when he/she gets home and asks to play with friends today and I say, "Oh sweety, I'll let you play with friends when I don't have to worry about being called 'stupid'." (...Let ya know how that one pans out.)
Halloween Festivities
This year Sadie and Tyson were able to carve their own pumpkins. They did a pretty good job. So sad I never got a picture of the finished product!
"Look mom, I'm getting dirty and I'm okay!"
Halloween Party at Grandma/Grandpa Whitings
Harry Potter doing some spells
Princess Hailee- "Belle"
Tyson's school parade
Sadie and her classmates watching the parade
Halloween night
Where did we get our costumes? Oh, I wish I could say that I spent hours making them, but lucky for me I have a friend who sells/rents costumes. She has saved me so many times! I love not having to store costumes my kids are only going to wear once! Check out her website next time you need a costume! enchantedwardrobecostumes.com 
Tyson's stash
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